a raconteur’s attempt

One of my collection  NO HEROES by Chris Offut  http://www.amazon.com/No-Heroes-Memoir-Coming-Home/dp/0684865521 , a book given by Miss Pilar to my father in law when he went to one of his conference in the US. We pirated it from Pa’ the last time we went home. He haven’t even read it yet.

May I quote what Arthur(a character in the story) said…"Home is a feeling, nothing more. Home is illusory like love, then it disappears.  Once you leave, you become a stranger." For me, these 3 sentences said the whole book.

<p class=”MsoNormal” style=”MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto

There is no day when I was young of not dreaming that I would leave, chase my mark somewhere and bring it back home.  “Ag abroad pay adi tapos ag Mayor ak”(I’ll go abroad And then, I’ll become the mayor of our town) were my delusions before.

So I did leave. But then again, there is no day I don’t think of going back. Philippines: Family, friends, places, foods, and night life are the scenarios I see in my daydreamings. Staying there for good will be my final halt. The reminder that shoves me to work. I mean, really work.

But then again, every time I go back home so many qualms that belittles my longing to stay. Its becoming more and more impossible.

For one my son can’t cope with our water, food and the pollution. Every time we’re in the Philippines he is a regular visitor to our family physician. Its just doesn’t look good being fussy specially when my family there lovingly gives him something to eat and I’m like, “Waaaitt! Sterilize, isopropyl alcohol, wash hands….” Besides, Its so tiring cooking a separate plate of pasta for him.

Another is, PICTURE THIS: A ship full of people. Its sinking and the politicians and their cronies are the only ones with life jacket. People falling grabbing onto others to stay in the ship or grabbing to join the falling so as they wont be alone in the drowning.

Gone was the old Baguio, its becoming more and more like Manila. So sad to think about it but the restoration of what the city was known for is of nil chance. I hope I’m wrong with this though.

Funny cause I’m unfamiliar with my time and space. Like I have to phone up my sister just to ask where Shakey’s is. I can’t go downtown alone anymore. One more thing, I seem can’t accept that a hundred pesos CAN NOT take you to the movies after a lunch of 2 pcs Chicken Joy at Jollibee. I’m sort of fixated with the value of pesos when I left. (Sigh)

Then again, I have to leave. Arthur was right, …"Home is a feeling, nothing more. Home is illusory like love, then it disappears.  Once you leave, you become a stranger."

I may have written a long piece for this but for sure, I will keep on going back and Philippines will always be my home

Dylan had his first shot of vaccines yesterday. What a brave boy. 2  injections which he didn’t cry with the first one. He looked like,“Oh yeah, that was it? Next!” Then the second needle got in his porky limb. “Huuwaaaa!!!!!!! What you do?… Call the child abuse people, they hit me with their best shot!”…. I held him and gone were those cries.

Before the doctor examined Baby D, I asked Boogie to get the diaper bag from the baby carriage, so he went out. The doctor asked, “Is your husband scared of needles?” I answered (Laugh, laugh) “No, hhmnn I don’t know. He just went to get some stuff.” (Think, think) Hmmnnn again, I haven’t really seen my husband drugged.